And it seems I am now missing a party with a karaoke machine to spend yet another Saturday in the South Bay. So if our boys don’t manage to score at least one goal this time, I WILL NOT leave Buck Shaw satisfied UNLESS the entire team busts out microphones and performs either Lionel Richie’s “Hello” or anything off the Xanadu soundtrack.

I am an unfrozen caveman lawyer who does not understand this strange league The Quakes currently sit on one win, three losses, and a tie putting them second to last in the Western Conference standings as well as in the imaginary single table. Yes, we are still doing better than Houston. But Columbus are doing the best. They have the most points out of any team in the league right now. Weird. (EDIT: With Thursday’s win, Chicago jump one point ahead of Columbus. Still weird tho.)

Any line-up changes? It seems Gavin Glinton is off to Germany next week for the magical elixir to fix his hernia. He’ll be available on Saturday as a sub, meaning our Jean-Phillipe gets his first start. I’d like to add here that if Aleko Eskandarian’s Facebook Status Updates are any indication, Glinton gets to spend next week taking something like 80 shots in his, uh, hernia region. Good luck to Gavin.

Who is out? Did anyone else notice Ryan Cochrane standing around before the Dallas game wearing a rather smart outfit? Well, I can’t wait to see what ensemble he pulls out of his closet this weekend because the official Quakes site has him listed as “Questionable.” Also, Jay Ayers had surgery this week to put his broken face back together. Ouch.

Who is gonna score SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST DO IT ALREADY

Who is gonna shine? Kamara’s exasperated expressions every time he missed a clear shot indicate the guy is very very close to completely losing it and going postal. But in a good way. Also, last weekend showed our Shea Salinas has it in him to walk (or rather, run) into a situation-in-progress and make an immediate impact.

The television is still on mute. What should I listen to now? Hold up. If you live in the Bay Area, please pass the mic to Troy Dayak and John Schrader at Comcast. If you don’t live in the Bay Area, I recommend the new album from The Roots, although it takes a few listens before really sinking in.

How Should I prepare for this game? The Fail Blog!

Ok, I think that’s about it. I am apparently spending my Saturday afternoon at a bbq in Alameda (where they keep the nuclear wessels) then catching a ride to Santa Clara with a bunch of soccer coaches. But lucky for me, this group doesn’t spend their time at the game huddled in a corner overanalyzing everything. Instead, they tell funny jokes and make silly horn noises. Awesome. Here’s your Song of the Week. Time for a little North Bay local love.

Getting back to San Jose, our Quakes have a little contest going on right now. Submit an essay to soccerintern@sjearthquakes.com and explain why YOU are the biggest Quakes fan in the whole wide world. The winner gets to participate in Saturday’s coin toss. On a personal note, if I wasn’t completely burning the candle at both ends with all the projects I’ve got going on right now, I’d think up a completely ridonkulous story to submit just for laughs. Anyone else want to give it a shot?

It looks like I’m out for the rest of the day. I’m still waiting impatiently for the official “weekly update” to see who may be injured for Saturday. In the meantime, congrats go out to the Quakes who smoked Stanford University last night 3-2. No idea who scored the goals but as I understand it, the squad was made up of mostly reserves. And here are some upcoming dates to remember:

* May 13. The San Jose City Council will vote on Wolff’s plan to purchase the old FMC property. Soccer Silicon Valley is asking fans to attend the meeting to show their support.

* Memorial Day Weekend (May 24-25). Carnival Soccerfest takes place in San Francisco’s Mission District (mmmmmmm, El Farlito). It’s an interactive event to help promote soccer and athleticism for kids. There will be a free soccer clinic and a bunch of guys from our National Beach Soccer team will be in attendance.

And it doesn’t stop with those pictures. I did a little historical investigation and found some very bizarre overlaps in the stories of both people.

1998: Journey fire Steve Perry right before they embark on their Trial By Fire tour. Joe Cannon signs with the San Diego Flash of the A-League. A year later, Cannon signs with the San Jose Clash.

2001: During Perry’s interview on VH1’s Behind the Music, he says he “never really felt like part of the band.” Cannon wins his first MLS Goalkeeper of the Year award.

2003: Cannon signs six month contract with RC Lens. Perry listed as “Producer” on Journey’s Greatest Hits DVD.

2004: Cannon wins his second MLS Goalkeeper of the Year award.

2005: Perry attends Journey’s star ceremony on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He makes the controversial statement that he will likely never stand together with his former bandmates ever again. Cannon makes his first career start with the US National Team.

2007: Journey fire singer Jeff Scott Soto. Fans speculate Perry may re-join his old band. The band hires Arnel Pineda instead.

2008: Cannon is traded from the Los Angeles Galaxy to the San Jose Earthquakes. The Galaxy promote a different Steve, who now spends much of his game-time pumping his fist in the air and yelling his own name.

* The Earthquakes offense. At this point, I don’t understand what the problem is. I’m totally open to people’s thoughts. User Robb has some great line-up arguments. Is Glinton the key? Somehow, I think the problem is more than just one guy. And here’s something that nags at me – this comment from Jay Hernandez:

Every team, every club, every coach has its own style. My previous coaches were Preki and Bob Bradley, who were very structured and we did the same thing each day of the week, really getting into a routine of things. Here, we make adjustments as we go depending on the team we face or how the guys are feeling. We make it a point to make adjustments in training based on whatever the team needs, and that’s something I’ve noticed to be a difference.

Especially after watching that creepy keep away warm up game right before the real game… for a team just starting to come together, with moments of collective brilliance, would perhaps more structured and routine trainings be the key? Hey – I’m no coach so to all you coaches out there, please feel free to tell me I’m wrong.

* Tiffany May to appear in Playboy. The streaker from the USA v Honduras Olympic qualifiers game. Here’s my first reaction to that piece of news:

And from now on, you will never read anything on this blog remotely suggesting there will be a streak at Buck Shaw. Tiffany, you’ve ruined it for the rest of us.

* Eric Wynalda is playing again for the Bakersfield Brigade. A few of us have already made plans to attend some, if not all, of the SF Seals home games. Now I’m especially giddy with the prospect of watching Waldo do his thing. Will I pull together enough guts to taunt him during the game? I hope so. July 17th @7pm, University of San Francisco. So excited.

Well, one thing left to do is present a photo essay of Saturday’s game. I’d like to point out that we were sitting in the very last row towards the middle, behind the team benches, so that should give all of you (who weren’t there) a pretty good indication of just how “intimate” Buck Shaw really is.

Rockin’ the wigs. Perhaps the least flattering photo ever taken in the history of photography.

Churro guy!

Pre-game warm up keep away game. It totally weirded me out because the coaches were watching so intently.

Game time.

James Riley! During a stop in the game, we yelled his name and we swear he heard us and looked back.

No caption needed. Makes us laugh every time.

FC Dallas = Love.

After the game, we went over to the Ultras section and hung out. Joe Cannon ran over and threw a Gatorade bottle at us.

The Ultras started singing to Johnny Moore. He gave us a thumbs up (sorry so fuzzy).

The sad, broken remains of a delicious cookie we brought over from the awesome (not in any way official) tailgate.

The grass was amazing. We decided we had to pet it before leaving.

That guy claimed to be the grounds keeper.

I Can’t Go For That by Hall & Oates – Nick Garcia

Our rock at defense. Rarely gets in on the offense but is always holding up the back line.

Highway To The Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins – James Riley

A defender and a part-time midfielder. Towards the end of the game, he lit the fire in our offense.

Fame by Irene Cara – Shea Salinas

Keep reaching for the stars dude and thanks for for reminding me to stretch every day

Never Surrender by Corey Hart - Jay Hernandez

No question the Man of the Match against Dallas.

It Takes 2 by Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock

Kei Kamara and Gavin Glinton. Nuff Said.

I Need Love by LL Cool J – John Cunliffe, Adam Smarte… just everyone else on the bench

Don’t Stop Believing by Journey – Joe Cannon

Does this need an explanation?

Any line-up changes? YES! With Cochrane out, the entire back line is in question. Jeff Carlisle suggests rearranging both the midfield and the back to compensate. But I think Yallop doesn’t want to shatter a starting 11 that’s finally starting to gel a bit. In my completely unqualified opinion, I see Hernandez taking Cochrane’s spot with Denton filling in as left back. Other than that, the usual line up stays.

Who is out? Ryan Cochrane and Jay Ayers are nursing concussions and perhaps catching up on lost Teletubbies episodes. Nick Garcia is probable with a thigh contusion but he’ll play. Oh yes he will.

Who is gonna score? I hope somebody does. Seriously. I’m worried that our offense will never get past the Dallas midfield during the entire game. But by the time the first whistle blows, I may be too drunk to care.

Who is gonna shine? I love Ryan Cochrane. Every Quakes fan loves Ryan Cochrane. But boy did he eff up against New York last week. This game is gonna prove Hernandez’s versatility as a fullback as well as in the center.

Biggest improvement? ME! I’m trying to take these game previews more seriously. I may not be successful but I am going to try. Also, I’m retiring the Biggest Improvement category. Bit of a dumb idea.

I have achieved inner peace by muting the game commentary. What should I listen to now? As soon as the new Madonna album leaked, I had that sh*t downloaded on my computer and onto my crappy mp3 player. I’ve been listening to it non-stop. Give it 2 Me is gonna be the jam of the summer (you heard it here first) and I swear Madonna and Pharrell get hyphy during that song.

How should I prepare for this game? Alcohol and bbq. Either at the official Fanzone tailgate or at a secret diy location. At this point, I don’t care if we lose, I just want all 10,000+ fans in attendance to get to that “happy drunk” phase. Group hug time y’all.

So I think that’s it. Don’t forget to read Tim Hainley’s preview from a coach’s perspective over at Center Line Soccer. And I’m leaving you this week, not with a song, but instead with a video taken at Coachella of the orbs we brought out there. I can’t find any good night video so you don’t get to see them roll around with their blinky different colored leds on. But still, seeing them roll around during the day is kind of fun. Myself, and the little buggers will be at the Maker Fair on Sunday so if you are going to that, stop by and say hi.

The report from Salt Lake is that your own guys are running into and injuring each other and RSL is up 3-0

Turns out her friend was at the game and reporting back via text message (SMS is seriously keeping my soccer obsession alive people). Unfortunately, I didn’t get any more updates since I went and saw a pretty darn good movie instead of waiting by the phone. But this morning, I received this Facebook message:

It snowed for the entire second half. So much so that they had to pull out the orange ball. Oh and RSL scored another goal. She said RSL’s team was half starters and half reserves. And that was your Open Cup season in a nutshell.

A Match Report from John Coon is here. Turns out the guys running into each other were Jay Ayres and Ryan Cochrane and the injuries were so bad, they got sent to the hospital and probably won’t be available for Saturday’s game.

So that was the entirety of our Open Cup run for 2008. I suppose you can look at it with a positive spin: that we’ve freed up more time and energy to focus on the MLS season. Are there any more extra tournaments San Jose will play now? I’m thinking there aren’t. Time to focus on making the playoffs and asking Cochrane how many fingers we’re holding up.

“Lew was kind of funny when I started asking about stuff I thought we needed,” says general manager John Doyle, who played for and then assistant coached the original Quakes before their move to Houston in December, 2005. “When we first started talking, he asked me, ‘Do you want to wait a year so we can get all this just the way you want it, or do you want to start playing now?’

“I said, ‘I don’t want to wait, I want to play.’ But everything, or just about everything, we asked for, he’s given us, and not just in regards to the stadium. That’s just the kind of person he is.”

You know, every time I read about the renovations, or the new stadium, or even quotes from the coaches about the owners, I wonder why such great synergy with the Quakes compared to the freakin’ drama with the Oakland A’s? It’s some of the same ownership group with seemingly similar issues regarding City Council decisions to allocate land. Why is Wolff so determined to move the A’s out of Oakland yet keep the Quakes in San Jose? Seriously people. The floor is open. Help me understand this conundrum.

Our reserves take on RSL in the Open Cup tonight. Tim Hainley’s game preview is here.