San Jose v Chicago Preview

By: Melissa | April 11th, 2008

Here’s my attempt at a proper and thorough preview of Saturday’s game. After last week’s fiasco, we will – uh, not necessarily win this one, but we will certainly perform better if A) our central defenders and “the David Beckham of San Jose” collectively pull their heads out of their asses and B) our forwards maintain possession for longer than three seconds and at least try to shoot the ball towards the goal. Also, our offense needs to get a lot more creative or Chicago will have us on lock down from the get go. So lets get on with it. Here’s the projected lineup:

Deer In Headlights — Deer In Headlights

Chicagoan Till Chicago Ends — Ned — Norway Was Too Cold — Overpaid?

Already Deserves a Raise — El Capitan — Houston Was Too Hot — Already Deserves a Raise

David Beckham

Pretty standard lineup that worked well during pre-season but basically fell apart last Thursday. And since very little news leaked from training this week, I’ve no idea if we’ll see any changes. Its possible O’Brien might move to the center for a pairing with Corrales which would re-open up that R-mid spot for Salinas. But its just too early to determine whether Salinas is better for us as a forward or a midfielder.

Who is out? No-one! This may be the only time during the entire season we are at full strength. Savor this moment people.

Who is gonna score? I’m crossing my fingers Ivan Guerrero sticks it to his former club for leaving him exposed in the Expansion Draft.

Who is gonna shine? John Cunliffe! His move to the expansion team is the perfect opportunity for him to finally blow the f*ck up in MLS. Basically, I’m going to be on the Cunliffe bandwagon until he does something really stupid (and he totally WON’T).

Meh, screw the preview. Here’s the important part – I get to attend this game. Not only that, I get to roll out of bed, put on a festive outfit, and hop on public transportation. I’m so excited about this, I could puke. I haven’t quite figured out what I’ll be adorning to properly support our boys, but my friend will be wearing a neon blue wig so I think we might rock this sh*t straight Burning Man style – but without the dirt, the techno music, and the nakedness. Although I am not against streaking on the pitch if thats what it takes to get our guys to score goals. But I have a feeling it may be easier for me to get past security at Buck Shaw than at the Oakland Coliseum. Ok, I’m totally kidding (or am I?). But seriously people. Our team is back and its the first home game in two years. Its time to bring the atmosphere. Its time to get wasted in the parking lot and yell at The Hunchback™ for 90+ minutes. Its time for me to finally fulfill my New Years Resolution of eating at least one hot dog at every Quakes game I attend. (I live in a world of low expectations.)

Speaking of low expectations, did anyone notice there’s a replica home jersey for sale at MLSgear in womens’ sizes? And its totally not one of those f*cking lame “soccer sweetie” shirts (epic fail). Wow! Thanks guys and OH SNAP its only $20. I swear you people read my mind or something.

Alright, tomorrow I’m gonna try to get to the Coliseum parking lot as close to 10:30am as my not-a-morning-person self will allow. And I leave you with this week’s installment of Song of the Week. Folks of a more prudish constitution may find the video a tad offensive (so don’t say I didn’t warn you).