Cheers and Jeers
By: Melissa | December 4th, 2007Cheers to the news that the very first reincarnated Earthquakes match is at home against New York on March 29th. And by at home, Ives’ assumption here is The Shaw but I’m with the few internet pundits who think this game will wind up in Oakland. I believe there is enough morbid curiosity in the Bay Area to bring the crowds for the opener. And if we actually win this one, those casual observers might very well come back as Quakes fans.
Jeers to Comcast cable internet for going down on me this morning and ruining my entire day before breakfast. But I do have to give props to their Business tech support guys (not that there aren’t tech support girls, but I have yet to get a girl on the phone) for not asking me ridiculous and unhelpful questions when I inform them I no longer have access to their DNS servers.
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Reports just in… MLS physicists reported that San Jose’s first home game will not be against Houston for fear of destroying the known universe. Researchers fear a problem with either the space-time continuum’s or an uncontrollable matter-antimatter reaction from the same team playing itself (past and future) at the season opener in SJ.
But the MLS scientific community is at odds with this controversy. World renowned asshole-physicists (oops, astro-physicist) Dr. Alexi Lalas disagreed with the MLS, saying, “This is absolute rubbish. Nothing will happen if these two teams play in the opener. In fact, it could aid in the aligning of the stars and fostering world peace. Now that would be ’sexy football’.”
Dr. Lalas’s research is based on trying to exploit scheduling conflicts to sell uniforms, discovering the financial gains of playing injured players, and testing the physical limits of professional athletes. This last research project was conducted by allowing a professional athlete to play two (2) 90+ minute matches within 24 hours of each other - on separate continents, while the athlete was injured.
A spokesman for the MLS scientific community , a Dr. Yallop, responded, “Lalas is an idiot. Each research facility he has had a part in has had serious breaches of protocol and performance incidents. Lalas does not, and should not, speak for us all.”
Reporting live from Southern California, this is PocketKings. Remember to spay and neuter your idiots, and please - support the RED, WHITE, and BLUE!!!
Gooooo CHIVAS USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chivas USA, Chivas USA, CHIVAS UUUUUSSSSSSSAAAAAAPosted from
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My sources at UC Berkeley tell me Dr. Yallop recently teamed up with their physics department (thanks to generous grants from Cisco, Google, and Apple) to study the recent Chivas v Chivas friendly and its impact on the universe as we know it. Yallop will not make a decision on the inevitable Houston match-up until the numbers are properly crunched, the data completely analysed, and the team finds nothing but postive conclusions… in essence saving the world (take that cheerleader!).
p.s. I nominate your comment for every award on the planet.
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Thanks Melissa
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Doc said this is possible. The only thing needed is …….. 1.21 giggawatts!
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Please excuse the following sophomoric attempt at humor:
Jeers to Comcast cable internet for going down on me this morning and ruining my entire day before breakfast.
I can’t imagine having that kind of morning would ruin my entire day.
Thank you, I’ll be here all week, try the veal and please tip your waitress.
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Oh snap - you caught one hell of a freudian slip there.
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