And I’m off to that dreary data center on Zanker Rd today. If you just happen to be in the area and see the only car in California with a Chicago Red Stars sticker on it’s back window, that would be me. So please go ahead and leave a stupid (but not a creepy) note. I love that kind of stuff.

So What the Hell Happened? A tie is what happened which leaves us in the same place we were before the game which leads me to wonder, did yesterday even happen at all? And the game… hmmm… scrappy. We decided the theme of the first half was “gaping wound” and my friend, the huge Roma fan, giving full credit to Chris at the Roma blog, pointed out that since Houston did a pretty dern good job of shutting down the San Jose offense and severing much of the connectivity between the midfield and the forwards, this “strikerless formation” should be called the “silicon clusterfuck.” Also, I have to give props to Bobby Boswell for containing Huckerby throughout most of the game. God, I can’t believe I just wrote that. And I’ll be spending the rest of my day scrubbing my fingers until they are raw and bloody.

Speaking of Blood… “biohazard” Nick Garcia got a few good headers in there after he got hurt. And every single one was cringeworthy for sure.

Speaking of Cringeworthy… sorry guys. I have a little soft spot for Kei Kamara and secretly hoped he’d score. I know all y’all think he’s a lousy traitor but cut the kid a little slack. I mean there is a creepy video on the internets of him chopping wood in Sierra Leone. My friend spent much of the first half debating what exactly did San Jose receive for his trade? He finally settled on a bag of kettle corn.

I Promised Myself if I Won the Bucket of KFC Coupons, I’d Give Them All Away on This Blog. I didn’t win. Sorry everyone.

Seats Right Behind the Players’ Benches Do Have A Few Advantages. We watched Brian Ching ever so slowly warm up during the second half and spent much of that time yelling “change the game Brian!” Dude, we didn’t actually mean it. We also had a pretty good view of Ching and a few fans exchanging unpleasantries right after he scored. Lotta love out in San Jose last night. Lotta love.

Oh Hello, it’s the Return of Shea Salinas! Where ya been? My first comment was “time to earn that $30,000 salary!” My friend’s response? “It’s like working in the mall, but he’s more physically fit.”

Personal Highlight? Finally getting a hold of a friend of mine. After I lost my phone, I lost his number and the fool never bothered to respond to the bajillion Facebook messages I left him. Luckily I found him amongst the Ultras and also found out he’s gonna be a dad. Congratulations!

And the Man of The Match? DeRosario’s hair. Good lord it’s like a work of art. And it takes a lot of planning and effort to have a fro that looks that amazing. My friend and I both hoped he’d show up to that Britannia Arms thing just so we could ask him what in the hell he did to get such beautiful, symmetrical hair.

Oh right, and that Britannia Arms thing? Ummmm… full disclosure. The last time I was in downtown San Jose I was at a swanky hotel bar having drinks with the Cheetah Girls and their entire Disney entourage. How did I wind up there? Don’t ask. And the situation was pretty effin awkward, to say the least. So hanging out in the back patio of a bar surrounded by pretty much the entire San Jose team and a few Houston players was just a teensy bit less awkward than that.

So the next game is away, at Houston. Not feeling too positive about this one so shit should really depend on how the other teams in the West fare this coming week. Hopefully Ian will give an update on what’s up with that. And I’ll leave you with some Local Love. If you’ve ever seen pictures from or been to Burning Man, you’ve likely seen a lot of the large scale artwork displayed in the middle of the playa. You know, those 10 to 20 foot sculptures. Hard to miss, really. Well, one of the warehouses where much of this stuff gets built is in trouble. The Oakland fire department was forced to shut down Nimby after a fire broke out this past Wednesday. The tenants, with help from the city of Oakland, are looking for a new place to finish their work and could use a little help and support. So everyone reading this post should take a few moments to check out the link above, or even subscribe to their twitter feed. A.R.T. y’all.

We Don’t Stop

We win, I have a fun & relaxing time at the game, then my friends and I go somewhere else and get wasted.

and today I receive this message in my Facebook…

After the game, come out to The Britannia Arms Downtown to watch Earthquakes players be celebrity bartenders for the night. All tips go to support the Earthquakes Community Fund.

ORLY?!?!? Well, I guess that’s settled then. So I wonder who is going to volunteer for this? And will they be well versed in all the varieties of girly mixed drinks out there? Can they make a perfect dry martini? Will they remember everyone’s order if there’s a rush on the bar?

And most importantly, WILL STUART HOLDEN BE THERE?!?!?! Hell yes we all saw those amazing pictures of him getting molested in a bar by women twice – nay – three times his age and clearly having a laugh over it. All I gotta say about that is, Stuart, I’ve got nothing but mad love and respect for your “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. If I see you at the Britannia Arms on Saturday, I will A) not molest you and B) buy you a drink. For reals. I’m not lying. Uh… are you 21 or over?

And after watching them lose to the Revs, there really isn’t anything new to say about the Quakes. I think the team is still plagued by the same ol’ same ol’ that plagues them every week. The players just haven’t had the time to get comfortable enough with each other yet. And here we saw again, our midfield almost completely disappear and our backline fall apart. Luckily our defense pulled it together during the second half which brings up another observation of note. It seems to take our guys over 45 minutes to get into some sort of sync with each other. We often get it together within the second half but usually our improved performance ends up too little too late. Now, whether there is a correlation between Yallop’s tendency to change the formation in the second half and the team’s late in the game improvements is up for debate. Anyways, here are some more observations…

We can try the long-ball approach or we can try to pass it up the pitch but if our midfield disappears, we are not getting sh*t done. Our little group spent the entire game looking for the Quakes’ midfield. Most of the time, we couldn’t find it.

It’s going to be a bad game if we forget Ronnie O’Brien started. About midway through the first half we wondered aloud if he was playing. The camera eventually panned to him. Boy were we shocked.

We broke another record last night. We now have the fewest goals this MLS season. Did I not say we are going to make the most of our time in the cellar? My friend’s immediate response to this bit of news: If we were playing golf, we’d be winning.

James Riley forgot which team he plays for. In fact, during the game, my friend checked the MLS scores on his phone and it listed Riley as a member of the Revs. We tried to take a picture of that but it came out too blurry to read the words.

Shea Salinas was the Man of the Match. It was a brief glimmer of a chance… except he attempted the shot just a few seconds too late. I say, he still has THE FEAR.

The Food of the Match was the fish & chips I ate at the Pig & Whistle. Very fried. Very greasy. Very good.

If I ever buy a Quakes jersey, I now know what I’ll get printed on the back of it. The words “That Guy” and a random number like 0.08 or pi.

The Personal Moment of the night was the San Francisco fog rolling onto the pitch during the Seals game. Sure, we could no longer see the other end of the field but it certainly made the game picturesque.

We found midfield during the PDL game. The Quakes appear to be a bit busy introducing their new scent: Hint O’ Midfield for Men. The SF Seals, on the other hand, were a straight up shot of midfield. A brown bag full of whiskey and midfield. A huge heaping dose of midfield. In fact, number 21, midfielder Jesse Henderson, scored their only goal and celebrated with a backflip.

If the Quakes win zero cups this season, our little group will just decorate a cup with glue and glitter and drive it down to the Quakes offices to give to them. We hope we can present our cup to the entire team personally. Anyone think they’ll go for it?

The Earthquakes and Columbus Crew combined for 25 corner kicks Saturday night at Buck Shaw Stadium, setting a club record for combined corner kicks in a regular season game. The previous Quakes record for combined corner kicks was 21, set on Aug. 5, 1998 in a match against the New England Revolution. Columbus also set an opponent’s record for corner kicks in a game and a half against San Jose. The Crew had 18 corner kicks with 11 of them coming in the second half.

Congratulations us! I think we should next focus on breaking the record for longest allowed stoppage time or perhaps the most throw-ins?

Anyways, here are some quick links of note:

* Jay Hipps reported on his blog a few days ago, “there are already discussions underway between supporters of the [Quakes and Seattle] for a special cup competition between the two sides every year.” Now, I’ve mentioned this before on this blog but I think it’s worth repeating, if Drew Carey really puts together his marching band, then I think the Quakes need to retaliate by hiring Oakland’s own, Extra Action Marching Band, to blow Seattle out of the, err, stadium. And I also think it’s worthwhile to add here that I realized a few months ago I am in no way the demographic the Quakes are marketing to. So I know my brilliant ideas will never ever see the light of day but I’m still going to suggest them whenever I can.

* Jeff Carslisle reports the Quakes will be trialling “a parade of players until the transfer window reopens in July.” Already come and gone are two Brazilians, Morelia duo Marcinho and Wanderson. Both recently played in Mexico’s second division.

* The San Jose City Council meeting to vote on the proposed sale of the old FMC site has been postponed to May 20th.

* If you are stuck in San Fransisco on May 21, there will be people at The Chieftan – 198 Fifth Street (5th & Howard) starting @ 11:30am to watch the Champions League final.

* The EPL is over, the Euros start soonish, the Champions League final is next week, the Quakes are away… what is left for this weekend? USL-2 bitches! The SF Seals home opener is Saturday night starting at 7pm at The University of San Francisco. Your Saturday is already set – watch the Quakes game then stumble up to USF for the soccer and some music. See everyone there!

Getting back to San Jose, our Quakes have a little contest going on right now. Submit an essay to soccerintern@sjearthquakes.com and explain why YOU are the biggest Quakes fan in the whole wide world. The winner gets to participate in Saturday’s coin toss. On a personal note, if I wasn’t completely burning the candle at both ends with all the projects I’ve got going on right now, I’d think up a completely ridonkulous story to submit just for laughs. Anyone else want to give it a shot?

It looks like I’m out for the rest of the day. I’m still waiting impatiently for the official “weekly update” to see who may be injured for Saturday. In the meantime, congrats go out to the Quakes who smoked Stanford University last night 3-2. No idea who scored the goals but as I understand it, the squad was made up of mostly reserves. And here are some upcoming dates to remember:

* May 13. The San Jose City Council will vote on Wolff’s plan to purchase the old FMC property. Soccer Silicon Valley is asking fans to attend the meeting to show their support.

* Memorial Day Weekend (May 24-25). Carnival Soccerfest takes place in San Francisco’s Mission District (mmmmmmm, El Farlito). It’s an interactive event to help promote soccer and athleticism for kids. There will be a free soccer clinic and a bunch of guys from our National Beach Soccer team will be in attendance.

* The Earthquakes offense. At this point, I don’t understand what the problem is. I’m totally open to people’s thoughts. User Robb has some great line-up arguments. Is Glinton the key? Somehow, I think the problem is more than just one guy. And here’s something that nags at me – this comment from Jay Hernandez:

Every team, every club, every coach has its own style. My previous coaches were Preki and Bob Bradley, who were very structured and we did the same thing each day of the week, really getting into a routine of things. Here, we make adjustments as we go depending on the team we face or how the guys are feeling. We make it a point to make adjustments in training based on whatever the team needs, and that’s something I’ve noticed to be a difference.

Especially after watching that creepy keep away warm up game right before the real game… for a team just starting to come together, with moments of collective brilliance, would perhaps more structured and routine trainings be the key? Hey – I’m no coach so to all you coaches out there, please feel free to tell me I’m wrong.

* Tiffany May to appear in Playboy. The streaker from the USA v Honduras Olympic qualifiers game. Here’s my first reaction to that piece of news:

And from now on, you will never read anything on this blog remotely suggesting there will be a streak at Buck Shaw. Tiffany, you’ve ruined it for the rest of us.

* Eric Wynalda is playing again for the Bakersfield Brigade. A few of us have already made plans to attend some, if not all, of the SF Seals home games. Now I’m especially giddy with the prospect of watching Waldo do his thing. Will I pull together enough guts to taunt him during the game? I hope so. July 17th @7pm, University of San Francisco. So excited.

Any line-up changes? YES! With Cochrane out, the entire back line is in question. Jeff Carlisle suggests rearranging both the midfield and the back to compensate. But I think Yallop doesn’t want to shatter a starting 11 that’s finally starting to gel a bit. In my completely unqualified opinion, I see Hernandez taking Cochrane’s spot with Denton filling in as left back. Other than that, the usual line up stays.

Who is out? Ryan Cochrane and Jay Ayers are nursing concussions and perhaps catching up on lost Teletubbies episodes. Nick Garcia is probable with a thigh contusion but he’ll play. Oh yes he will.

Who is gonna score? I hope somebody does. Seriously. I’m worried that our offense will never get past the Dallas midfield during the entire game. But by the time the first whistle blows, I may be too drunk to care.

Who is gonna shine? I love Ryan Cochrane. Every Quakes fan loves Ryan Cochrane. But boy did he eff up against New York last week. This game is gonna prove Hernandez’s versatility as a fullback as well as in the center.

Biggest improvement? ME! I’m trying to take these game previews more seriously. I may not be successful but I am going to try. Also, I’m retiring the Biggest Improvement category. Bit of a dumb idea.

I have achieved inner peace by muting the game commentary. What should I listen to now? As soon as the new Madonna album leaked, I had that sh*t downloaded on my computer and onto my crappy mp3 player. I’ve been listening to it non-stop. Give it 2 Me is gonna be the jam of the summer (you heard it here first) and I swear Madonna and Pharrell get hyphy during that song.

How should I prepare for this game? Alcohol and bbq. Either at the official Fanzone tailgate or at a secret diy location. At this point, I don’t care if we lose, I just want all 10,000+ fans in attendance to get to that “happy drunk” phase. Group hug time y’all.

So I think that’s it. Don’t forget to read Tim Hainley’s preview from a coach’s perspective over at Center Line Soccer. And I’m leaving you this week, not with a song, but instead with a video taken at Coachella of the orbs we brought out there. I can’t find any good night video so you don’t get to see them roll around with their blinky different colored leds on. But still, seeing them roll around during the day is kind of fun. Myself, and the little buggers will be at the Maker Fair on Sunday so if you are going to that, stop by and say hi.

The report from Salt Lake is that your own guys are running into and injuring each other and RSL is up 3-0

Turns out her friend was at the game and reporting back via text message (SMS is seriously keeping my soccer obsession alive people). Unfortunately, I didn’t get any more updates since I went and saw a pretty darn good movie instead of waiting by the phone. But this morning, I received this Facebook message:

It snowed for the entire second half. So much so that they had to pull out the orange ball. Oh and RSL scored another goal. She said RSL’s team was half starters and half reserves. And that was your Open Cup season in a nutshell.

A Match Report from John Coon is here. Turns out the guys running into each other were Jay Ayres and Ryan Cochrane and the injuries were so bad, they got sent to the hospital and probably won’t be available for Saturday’s game.

So that was the entirety of our Open Cup run for 2008. I suppose you can look at it with a positive spin: that we’ve freed up more time and energy to focus on the MLS season. Are there any more extra tournaments San Jose will play now? I’m thinking there aren’t. Time to focus on making the playoffs and asking Cochrane how many fingers we’re holding up.